DEAR DEIDRE: MY life is in a vicious cycle, centred around intimacy.
My wife isn’t interested in sex. She never even wants a kiss or a cuddle, so I find women online who will give me attention.
These women online give me a buzz and make me feel wanted again
For more advice from Dear Deidre
No issue is too small, too large or too embarrassing. Read our personal replies here.
Dear Deidre on Mental Health
Dear Deidre on Identity
Dear Deidre on Debt and Money
Dear Deidre on Work
Dear Deidre on Health and Wellbeing
Dear Deidre on Addiction
Then my wife finds out, is furious and turns even colder towards me. So I behave for a while, then get tempted again.
I’m a man of 56. My wife is 58.
We have been married for 34 years but over the past couple she has withdrawn from me physically, whereas my sex drive is higher than ever.
I always have to make the first move and if I didn’t instigate sex, it wouldn’t happen.
My wife isn’t even interested in little kisses and cuddles anymore, not even after the rare occasions when we do have sex.
Sometimes I will approach her randomly for a hug or kiss but she reacts by saying she is too busy. Sometimes she tells me to get off and leave her alone.
Feeling rejected, I have started looking elsewhere for attention. These women online give me a buzz and make me feel wanted again.
Sometimes we have virtual sex, other times it’s just a flirty chat.
My wife has caught me out several times and we have had huge arguments. Each time I promise to stop but after a while I can’t resist.
We have talked about it on more than one occasion and have both said we’d try harder to make things work, but it just doesn’t happen.
I don’t really think of this as cheating but obviously my wife does. I love her and she is my rock so wish I could change this pattern.
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
Send an email to deardeidre@dotifi.com
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
I know I am hurting her and I have tried so hard to stop.
My wife thinks I shouldn’t want sex so much at my age. Is there something wrong with me?
Most read in Dear Deidre
DEIDRE’S STORIES
Amelia’s partner skips Valentine’s Day and her stepson is suspicious
DEIDRE’S STORIES
Jane admits she fantasises about Tommy Shelby when in bed with Andrew
DEAR DEIDRE
My boyfriend only admitted to having sex with his ex after she trashed our flat
FUSS-POT
Our druggie son won’t eat our food because he’s convinced we’re trying to kill him
DRIVEN TO DRINK
I feel like a mug because I always give lifts to my drunk friends
HOT AND COLD
We passionately snogged on our first date – but she’s hardly touched me since
DEIDRE SAYS: The thing that is wrong is your lack of communication in your relationship. Sexting is a form of cheating and you are risking your marriage each time you are caught.
I can understand your sexual frustration. Sex and intimacy are more than just intercourse and orgasms.
There is no everyday affection in your relationship, which can have a knock-on effect on your sexual relationship.
You both need to communicate. Your wife needs to realise you are at breaking point, while you need to understand why she has gone off sex.
It can become painful after the menopause and some women lose their libido, so ask her to see her doctor.
Couples’ counselling could be useful too. Contact tavistockrelationships.org (0207 380 1960).
In the meantime, my support pack Great Sex At Any Age will help you both.
NEXT IN TODAY’S DEAR DEIDRE I pay for everything as my husband spends his benefits on cigarettes
READ DEIDRE’S STORIES Amelia’s partner skips Valentine’s Day and her stepson is suspicious
GET IN TOUCH How the page works and how to contact us
Spread the love & Comment on Social Media !